This isn’t just my story. It belongs to every woman who has ever had to rebuild herself.

I spent seventeen years in an abusive relationship that slowly disconnected me from who I was. By the end, I knew staying was costing me my peace, my health and eventually, my life.

I didn’t stay because I was weak. I spent years living a life that looked right from the outside while slowly disconnecting from who I was underneath it.

I stayed because I had spent my whole life following a script handed to me before I was even old enough to question it. 

Be the good girl. Keep the peace. Make people proud. Do the "right" thing. Don't disappoint anyone. Don't bring shame on the family.

This isn't my story. It's ours.

It’s the woman staying in the relationship that is draining her.
The woman trapped in a career that no longer feels aligned.
The woman who has lost herself inside motherhood, expectations or survival.
The woman who keeps abandoning herself to keep everybody else comfortable.

The woman who looks “fine” on paper but feels deeply unhappy inside.

I became a teacher.
I built the life that looked responsible, dependable and accomplished.
But underneath it all, I was exhausted from performing a version of myself that the world approved of while ignoring the voice inside me asking for more.

Underneath it all, I was disappearing. I was losing myself. 

And I know now that so many women are too.

Women who learned to survive by over-explaining.
Women who mistake self abandonment for loyalty.
Women who silence themselves to avoid judgment.
Women who have spent so long trying to be chosen, accepted or understood that they no longer know who they are outside of those roles.

Leaving anything that no longer aligns with you doesn’t fee empowering at first. It can feel terrifying.

A marriage.
A relationship.
A career.
A version of yourself.
A life that everybody else told you should make you happy.

Rebuilding is not glamorous.
It can feel lonely.
Messy.
Uncertain.
Like grief.

But there is something powerful about finally choosing a life that feels true instead of one that simply looks acceptable to everyone else.

And slowly, piece by piece, I came back to myself.

Because I finally started listening to the voice inside me that had been whispering for years:

this is hurting you.

And once you hear that voice clearly, it becomes impossible to unhear it.

This space exists because I never want women to feel as alone as I did.

When I finally shared my story, I did not expect what would happen next. Women from all over the world started sharing theirs too. The messages. The comments. The tears. The “I thought I was the only one.”

Over a hundred thousand women showed up.

And that is when I realised this was never just my story 🦋

This is bigger than me

I started by trying to build a safe space. The women here built something else.

Go into the comments on my social media pages and you will see women holding each other up. Writing the things they've never told anyone, and women they've never met writing back: me too. I see you. Keep going.

“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” Audre Lorde

Transform with Toska is the structure underneath that. The workshops, the programmes, the events, the small groups, the community. A place for women to go deeper. A place to feel seen, understood and supported while rebuilding yourselves. Because healing, growth and transformation happen differently when you realise you are not the only woman feeling this way.

We are no longer abandoning ourselves to fit inside lives that no longer feel true. We are allowed to change. Allowed to outgrow things. Allowed to want peace, joy, freedom and more for our lives. And we do not have to rebuild alone.

What we're actually building

We talk a lot about leaving because leaving is hard. But leaving was never the destination.

The destination is the life on the other side. 

The Tuesday morning that feels peaceful again.
The home that finally feels like yours.
The friendships that feel safe instead of draining.
The work that lights something up inside you.
The spark coming back into your eyes again.

The version of yourself you thought you lost forever.

Not because she disappeared.
Because she was buried underneath survival, pressure, expectation and everyone else’s idea of who she should be.

We are building lives that feel like ours again. We are not just leaving cages. We are learning to fly.

This is the part nobody talks about. The rebuilding. The quiet, unromantic, joyful work of waking up and choosing yourself again and again and again, because you've decided you're worth it.

I’m not interested in helping women escape and pretending that is the ending. Leaving is the beginning. The real work is what comes after. Rebuilding. Remembering yourself. Learning to trust your own voice again. Creating a life that feels peaceful to live inside. That is where Transform with Toska lives.

What this is not

This is not therapy. This is not coaching. This is not someone telling you what to do.

This is a space where women who are ready to stop explaining themselves, stop shrinking, and stop waiting for permission come together to build something better. With real tools. Real community. Real accountability.

And it's a space for the men standing with us. Fathers, brothers, partners, friends who are willing to be honest about the systems they were raised inside, and willing to do the work of dismantling them. Fearless traitors to the patriarchy. You're welcome here too.

The Butterflies 🦋

Every woman who joins this community is a Butterfly. Not because transformation is pretty. It's not. The cocoon is dark. Disorienting. You don't recognise yourself in the middle of it. You don't know what's coming.

But what's coming is this: you realise you had wings the whole time. And you realise you're not the only one in the air.

Every woman here is a Butterfly. And we are learning to fly together.

After leaving a 17-year abusive relationship, Toska began speaking openly about the conditioning that keeps so many women silent, self abandoning and afraid to choose themselves. Her platform has become a gathering place for over one hundred thousand women rebuilding their lives, finding language for what they lived through, and refusing to pass the same silence onto the next generation. Through workshops, programmes and community, she is creating the space she once needed herself. A place where women no longer have to navigate leaving, rebuilding and coming home to themselves alone. Mother. Butterfly. Still saying the quiet things out loud.